One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Baltimore, said Dad. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. 46. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . Me: Hello? He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. 10. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The INFANTry! Because the Army needed heroes too. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. A friend paid my mother a visit. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? As A.J. An airplane! Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 29. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. He finally comes dragging in at. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Want more amazing military jokes? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. 2. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. ! Nothing, she said. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. 45. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. It took the poor guy all day. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Pizza de Resistance Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. He says, Anyway, enough about me. 32. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Soldier: Sure, buddy. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Then one day I couldnt find it. 39. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. But I am public affairs, I said. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. There are many branches of the military. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Caller: Do you have his right number? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. 4. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Full Disclosure Here. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? 11. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. You can see why: The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. What do hungry Marines eat? What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? It was sheer brilliance. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. If it doesnt move, pick it up. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. 6. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? 1. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. 5. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. MARCH! All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . 4. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. A LOOtenant! The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! And )second Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Takeoffs are optional. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? What did you do? Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? The two lads objected strongly. The other replied, Not me! If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Caller: Is Sgt. Rodrigues? Why? I asked. I dont see it.. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Of course, he responded. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. 49. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. How much noise can we make up here? Marines Say OOOOORAH! While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. They want their patients to see 20:20! What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. 9. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. 40. 27. Later, I spoke with Mom. 37. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. August 15, 2021. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". USN: Helos Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Attention! As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. It was sheer brilliance. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. But something struck me as odd. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Stay out of clouds. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. This is really good, he said. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? She also liked her scotch. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Return to Humor Index. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Pilots 5. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. 41. 1. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. We were a tough group. The c.i.a. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Caller: Is Sgt. 1. 10. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Why Do We Celebrate It? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. What are you doing? I asked. They know how to take up space. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Louis, I grumbled. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. But I had the last laugh. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 28. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. ! Again, no reply. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. I was very nervous, she said. Do you have change for a dollar? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Individual use is by implied consent. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Me: Still the wrong number. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Read more. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Yes, she said. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Looking for military boot camp jokes? 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. 11. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Anecdotes 1. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! 42. We have one or two in here! Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Killed bin Laden. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Bad altitude. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Me: No. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. How tough? Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.